Have you ever experienced life as a few layers; as though your mind was projecting one image over the top of the real life you were living? Have you ever caught yourself thinking in the patterns of your past, while experiencing the consequences of life lived according to choices made with new patterns of thought? Have you ever seen, in a moment, the places where life is at odds with stated beliefs, and been surprised?
I don't mean hypocrisy. I mean the bizarre multiple realities created by self-perceptions, other-perceptions, and scientifically measurable occurrences. I mean those moments where I can clearly see another's patterns of self-destruction while being completely blind to my own. I mean those moments where I am both keening from fear of loss, and aware of the fact that all life is finally lost. I mean the moment where I find I cannot judge another's poor decisions, but have no problem condemning my own self to destruction for poor decision-making.
I mean: I believe in money, nation-states, and armies, even while realizing these are all figments of human imagination. There is no value in electronic numbers. There are no ultimate boundaries between Colorado and New Mexico. There is no power that moves soldiers; save belief; save human decision to ascribe value and meaning to these things.
I find these moments electrifying, humbling and terrifying, and I wonder if I am seeing in between realities. I wonder what happens when all of them align to the same reality. I wonder why we humans seem to so easily agree on some of these ideas, and so violently disagree on others. I wonder what the possibilities are. I wonder what we can create when we free ourselves from belief. I wonder what realities we lose when we cannot believe. I wonder what we are supposed to do with these realities. I wonder whether we are better off knowing or unsuspecting. I wonder. I wonder.
Still wondering,
Cobalt Dreams
