Dear Pneuma,

I seem to be recovering nicely from my soul anemia: thank you.  Unfortunately, I am not back to full health just yet.  Last night, I sat next to a woman so deeply fallen into love that light was blazing from her fingertips, and I found myself pulling away from her.

This morning, asking myself why, the only answer that satisfies is a fear of that blaze.  Really?  Didn't I, myself, blaze in just such a way when I found my Beloved?  Don't I still?  Why should I cringe away from that light in another person?

Soul sickness-a soul recovering from such a twisted and inward focussed energy, it shuns that which is open, embracing and transcendent.  Like an old willow, a soul can grow around a base, seeking relief from pressures and disadvantageous winds, and become twisted and gnarled-wrapped tightly around old wounds, so that the sap, water, nutrients and life cannot flow freely from root to leaf.    That kind of tree might bend away from the sun.  That kind of soul backs away from the light.

I wish for that woman the blaze of love-may she find herself in it.  I wish for myself continued recovery so that my soul recognizes the good and yearns toward it, rather than conservation that shies away.

Asking You,
Cobalt Dreams

Dear Pneuma,

Feelings blossom like the plants outside.  Tomato, oregano, dill, wild bluebells, sunflowers, daylilies, and coriander are all run amok in my garden, blooming wildly different colors, shapes and scents.  No two plants seem to attract the same kinds of bees, and the whole of it glistens and hums like a Liberace tune.

My feelings mimic my garden.  Some spiky, some tall, some small and delicate, others lush and full as the figure of Het Pelskin.

Cobalt Dreams

Dear Pneuma,

I had this thought today: I do not think many of us truly admire success.  If we did, the successful creatures would be our work: starlings, cockroaches, weeds.  Instead, it seems many of us tend in the desire to exert control and power.  We tend the weak, difficult and displaced, not out of a desire that they should succeed, but rather out of a desire that they conform to our notions of design and aesthetics.  Control, not care, guides our gardening.

To be fair, when growing food, and nurturing those things necessary for our life, it is important to protect them from competitors.  We can preference those things in our environment which will enhance our survival.  We cooperate.  Still, in my day to day, I cannot truly comprehend why I work so hard to kill out those that succeed, for the benefit of the grass.  Why lawn instead of dandelion?  Why songbird over cawing competitor?

Taking the thought further, I imagine the lives of women, and I see, perhaps a reason that we try so hard to keep women down.  When I ask myself why we do not include homeless, undereducated and drug-addicted persons in the plans for their salvation, I begin to see a possible answer.  When I wonder why our American society, as a whole, seems so adamant to protect the rarer persons, the already rich and powerful, I think it is that we do not actually enjoy another's success.

I think we like to trim, treat, feed, fertilize and prune into shapes pleasing to us.  I think we joy in creation, because it evidences an ability to influence, mold, change and utilize the world around us.
When life in that world thrives on its own, it needs to be chopped out, hacked up and poisoned out of being.  It obviously does not belong to us.  It is obviously something that does not need our control.  I believe that is a separate question entirely from whether or not it is something that needs our care.

Just thinking some new thoughts.  Do you have any you would share?

Cobalt Dreams