Dear Pneuma,

Lost in angry.  Lost in empty.  Lost in control.  Exert power?  Back off?  Allow them the freedom of choice, even when I know the choice they made is not better for them?  Convince?  Cajole?  Accept?  

The only way is forward.  

Take Care,

Dear Pneuma,

Suffering has been on my mind.  Doubt has been in my spirit.  Anger has been in my heart.  I suffer the illnesses of entitlement.  I am ashamed.

In the endless eternal ocean of life and lives, I am very small.  When I go down to die, billions of people will never know that I lived.  Space will swallow whatever ripples my physicality caused.  My loves and hates, my failures and successes, my born-ing and my dying will diffuse and dissipate in the currents of time.

Truth.

Yet, what did I do to deserve life in the first place?  What am I that I was given such a gift as this: a being for living, for breathing, for loving, for hating, for helping, for hurting, for hoping, for caring, for losing, for dying?  Was I accidental, or was I inevitable?  

I live.  Why then do I cry for the bumps and scratches?

I breathe.  Why then do I fear loss and consequence?

I trust.  What is eternal in my material prosperity?

I hope.  What is eternal in my poverty?

I try. What is eternal in my triumph?

I change. What is eternal in my fall?

To be human is to drink the full cup of suffering and death, but to be human is also to share bread and drink the full cup of life.  If I choose to refuse the one cup, I refuse the other.

I am ashamed that I often choose my own voice of wanting over the counsel of peace.  May I remember whose I am.

Contrite,
Cobalt Dreams

Dear Pneuma,

Let me just say that I love the Old Testament.  There are so many challenges in it for us complacent modern Christians.  The joy of having been a staunch agnostic is that I have always thought the Bible was full of craziness, so its craziness doesn't challenge my belief.  I believe in God despite the Bible, rather than because of the Bible-and I mean your standard King James, New Standard Revised Version,  or New International Version of Bible, just to clarify.  

Sometimes, I feel a bit sorry for those I know have always been Christians and whose belief systems are founded in the Scripture and Tradition of their childhood.  They often seem to have the difficult task of trying to make the "God They Know," fit the description of the "God They Were Taught."  Because I spent a great deal of my youth daring God to strike me dead with bolts of lightening, I don't really fear to challenge the ideas and images of Christianity.  If Christ proves false, Christ is not the Christ.  If God proves Not God, then I have nothing to fear.

I know God, but I do not understand God.  I know Christ, but I do not understand the Christ.  I find the Bible, religious discourse, church activity, and active participation in spiritual disciplines such as prayer, sacrifice and self-control strengthen my relationship with God and the Christ.

Nevertheless, when I confront Bible verses that claim exposing a woman to gang-rape, bodily mutilation and incitement to war are correct actions [Judges 19-20], I don't have to hold on to the "inerrancy" of the Bible.  I can require that the Bible prove itself to me.  I can require that the Bible prove itself worthy of God, and if it doesn't, I know which of the two has my vote.

Anyway, just some thoughts I have this Monday morning

Yours in Peace and Joy,
Cobalt Dreams