Dear Pneuma,

It may be an urban legend, but I once heard that there is a precedent in Texas for a murder defense. The defense was: "He needed killing," and the precedent is an acquittal. Whether or not a jury actually heard that defense and found the defendant "not guilty," I will leave to the law sleuths. Nevertheless, there are times, when I can clearly imagine the conversation in the jury room:

"There is no doubt she did it."
"True, but, well, he really WAS a jerk.
"Mean as a snake."
"Stingy, too."
"I heard that even his dog hated him."
"It's not as if anyone of us would have done any different, considering . . ."
"What's more, now we don't have to worry about him getting drunk and destroying the saloon."
"It seems to me she did a public service. If anyone ever needed killing it sure was him."
"Indeed, this town's sure to be a lot safer now that he 's gone."
"What's more, his vote on the city council can go to someone that really wants to make our fine town a place that is
attractive to tourists."
"So, what's it to be folks? Dinner is getting cold."
"All in favor of "not guilty" on the basis that, in this situation, "he simply needed killing" raise your right hands. . . "

I like to run this movie in my mind on days like today. Today, someone that means a lot to me is being a jerk. In fact, this person has been such a jerk, that I wonder if a jury would find me guilty if . . .

I don't-not really-because, being mean to someone on a Wednesday, is simply not a reason that someone might "need killing." Nevertheless, creating a black and white, Ol' West judge and jury movie starring my friend and myself, allows me space for some laughter and some forgiveness. It allows me the perspective to see how petty and small grievances can be.

I don't advocate swallowing real harm, but it seems that sometimes, I need to realize that those I love can be mean to me. I suppose that means that I can be mean to those I love as well. I guess we are all mean sometimes, even when we don't mean to be. May we find forgiveness for those small meannesses. May they be moments out of the ordinary, and not simple habits, and may we learn to discern the difference between a bad day, and a bad situation.

In the meantime, my jury is still out.

Love you,
Cobalt Dreams