Dear Pneuma,

Have you ever seen a therapist? I've been contemplating giving counseling sessions to all the special people in my life for Christmas this year.

It never ceases to amaze me how willing my loved ones are to suffer. I've seen one walk around on broken feet and another hunker beneath blankets with a migraine for hours unable to bear the light. Yet, they refuse to see a doctor. They take aspirin, and they sleep it off. How much more do they resist the need to heal inner, spiritual and emotional hurts.

I know I do it, too; I try to "tough it out" alot. I mean, who can respect a person that can't even decide to be happy, right? But, why resist so hard?

It's OK with me that I am terrible at sports. I enjoy working with an instructor to improve my skills so that I can play with my friends, even if I cannot seriously compete (yet). I have no problem asking a taller person to get something off a high shelf for me; yet, if I can't talk or work or distract myself out of a funk, I tell myself I must be weak and broken. If I cannot just bounce right up from the blow of my brother's death, something must be deficient in my being.

Why do I believe I must be sufficient in myself alone?

Of course, there may be an opposite problem. I've seen my loved ones give up completely in order to avoid suffering. I myself have decided against travelling because I might get hurt. I have even used a disability to save myself from having to participate. I wonder how many of us decide we can't do anything about an inner illness. I wonder how many of us leave healing up to medication and find disappointment that the pills don't actually make the hurting go away. I wonder how many of us decide we cannot, so we needn't even try.

Why do I believe I am insufficient in myself alone?

That is why I want to give therapy to all of my loved ones for Christmas. Sometimes, I am not sufficient in myself alone. Sometimes I am not very good at fixing my broken bits. Sometimes I need a bandage, a plaster, a pill, or a splint. Sometimes, I am more than sufficient in myself alone. Sometimes I need courage, support, or a hard, swift kick in the pants. Learning to know when I need not suffer, and when suffering simply must and can be transcended is a precious gift. I want to give it to everyone I know.

In the meantime, I hope all is well with you. I hope you know that you are loved, even when you feel alone.

Love Always,
Cobalt Dreams