Dear Pneuma,

Loneliness is interesting. Last night, staring out my window at stars in the blue moon sky, I was feeling angry and terrified. My beloved was home with me. My beloved was happily contemplating plans for the next day. My beloved was surfeited on food and the day's activity. I was emptiness and dismay.

Like a train falling down the track, I couldn't brake the negativity. Inside, I was hearing that I am unworthy and lazy. Inside, I was hearing "fuck thems" and "I hate this." Ugliness spattering black lines across the choices that have led me here. My fortune is that there is one reason I can cling to, one choice I've made that I do not question, but the rest . . .

My beloved was home with me. My beloved was happily contemplating plans for the next day. My beloved was full. I was empty.

I felt alone. I knew alone. I thought about God, being in a different place, being in a different time, being different. I wondered about Goddess' lonliness, often being separate from us, in that we are in a separate feeling, a separate meaning, a separate frame from the Divine.

My beloved was home with me. I was alone.

Looking for You,
Cobalt Dreams