Dear Pneuma,

Today I am "overexcited." This is the term my mother used when my speech sped up, my body vibrated with pent action, and my eyes would pop out of my head from the effort of holding something in.

That something is a combination of intuitive connections, happiness, physical vigor, conversation and the weather that adds up to so much, it cannot be contained within my entirely inadequately sized body. I often have a sense that "I" take up more space than my body does. This "overexcitement" is, in my experience, the completely natural consequence of that reality. Unfortunately, it seems to translate as "crazy" to other people.

So I walk my dog and gesticulate wildly to the trees and grass, and sky, while releasing all of the wonderful energies that are thrumming through my system. I let nature, and whatever human witnesses are by, know the truly novel ideas that are rushing through my mind. I let them hear about all the wonderful connections that light up when I can actually contemplate myself subjectively and objectively at the same time. Sometimes, I simply "whoop and holler," because sound is what best expresses my state of being.

When I am here, I wonder what it is in my demeanor that is so frightening to other people. It never translates to anything other than supersonic speech and thought. It never expresses itself as a loss of physical control or even an inability to focus and accomplish a goal. Nevertheless, when I am "overexcited" people that know and love me, draw back and suggest that I "calm down." Because it does concern those around me, I find myself diffusing it through socially acceptable activities, such as dance, exercise and theatre; or else releasing it in the privacy of my shower or the anonymous privacy of the nearest "green space."

I wonder whether I am being altogether faithful to this gift that I have been given. Maybe these moments where I am so full of energy, purpose and comprehension, need to be harnessed and shared with others. Maybe these moments carry clues for the true potential of myself. Then again, maybe they are simply wonderful dreams.

In Excitement,
Cobalt Dreams