Dear Pneuma,

It does not seem to be enough to feel. Feeling creates energy. Energy leads to action. Action leads to release of energy. Hence, the outcome of feeling is action and catharsis. Yet, here I am this morning, feeling . . . with no action to follow. I spoke to someone I do not know very well. I believe we communicated some important things. I feel nervous, worried, and concerned that maybe I said some things I should not have said. I feel happy and hopeful that I understand that person a little bit better. I feel guilty and ashamed at the ways in which we keep ourselves from speaking truth to one another. I feel like I have betrayed loyalties. I feel freed from hurt silence. I feel as though I colluded with an outsider to gossip about a loved one. I feel as though I finally included a new person into the circle of loved ones.

Yet, what action to follow? Last night, I saw a glimpse of a thing. I saw an expression on a human face that was simply feeling. There was feeling as action; as a physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental activity that engaged the entire being. I thirsted for that ability.

This morning, I fear the cost. I fear the time lost for formulating plans. I itch to do damage control-to talk with another and move the social dynamic even farther. I want the conversation to continue. I want the conversation to end. All of these activities as a way to avoid feeling feelings as action.

Today is Sunday. Today is Sabbath. Feeling is a relationship with time. Sabbath is time in relationship with God. I shall relate with this time through feeling and share these moments with God.

Love Always,
Cobalt Dreams