Dear Pneuma,

We are so good at hurting. Why is that? We are good at inflicting, feeling, holding onto and prolonging pain. I see it in people who refuse to let their bodies rest. I see it in people who buy and give for others, but refuse to feed themselves. I see it in people who refuse to see a doctor, lest they get bad news, and people who refuse to try new treatments in the management of their disease. I see it in the practice of criticism and headlines based on personal attacks. I see it in the way some cannot even choose to hear a positive possibility.

I feel it in my own self when one critical remark sinks in and bites deep, but a single affirmation seems to slide off my skin. I feel it in my own self when pride tries to laugh at the hurt rather than let another see it. I feel it in my own self when anger and retribution seem like the only soothing remedy.

I know a lot about wearing pain as a badge; I know a lot about sneering around a burning ache of emptiness and fear. Holding onto pain as a purpose is an easy way to live. We have many role models. We see it as the way of success in our work. We see it keep relationships going. We see pain as the background to the lives of many people, and we begin to believe in it.

When we do that, we are wrong. When it is easier to pull a trigger, file a lawsuit, or express our contempt than it is to shake a hand, offer a hug, or hold our tongues, the dark is winning against the light. When it is easier to rationalize our personal vendettas than it is to mourn and move on, death is winning against life. When fear is our first encounter of the morning, the void is winning against the soul.

Pneuma, I hope you are well. I hope your pain has dissipated in the dawn. I hope you choose love in all you do today,

Love Always,

Cobalt Dreams