Sometimes grade school teachers and well-meaning parents suggest that jealousy is a small and petty crime: something womanish and insecure, yet in the Old Testament, God-the being whose name is not to be spoken-is a jealous God. Even Solomon in his wisdom claims that jealousy is "fervid as the grave."
I believe jealousy is a thing of power. Rightly to be feared, perhaps. Rightly to be avoided even, but I have to own myself, and I am a jealous being. Envious in the deep spaces of me when my claim is challenged. Angry and implacable towards the transgression of oaths made to me. I am a thick, black-choked swamp of malice and judgment towards that which separates me from my Beloved. Worse, when my Beloved's attention is given to another, the green and spiteful hatred I feel towards that other is potent-vivifying, powerful. It would be a lie to say I do not want to release that power.
In this way, life is choice, always. The truth is not found by denying my jealous nature. Integrity is choosing not to turn it loose. Jealousy-powerful, fervid, deathless-may be indicative of the Divine in human nature, but the New Testament God-embodied and revealed through Christ-is a loving God. Love always puts the Beloved first. Love has faith. Love sets the Beloved free.
Choosing Faith,
Cobalt Dreams
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