It has struck me today that just because lots of people do something, does not make that something right, or even OK. Don't get me wrong. I line up with the rest of the folks that say they understand how silly it is to assume that because everyone else is doing something, I should do it also. My mother asked me, "If your friends all jumped off a cliff, would you jump off too?" and, of course, I answered, "No."
Yet, what I actually mean to say is that down deep, I think most of us would jump off that cliff. I would assume my friends knew what they were doing. I would tell myself that there must be something everyone else knows. Maybe there is an invisible net at the bottom of the cliff. Maybe they expect to develop superpowers and fly before splattering on the rocks at the bottom. Surely, if everyone else is jumping, there is good cause and reason.
So, what if, in the flurry of flinging, a single, gentle voice tries to say, "Uh, guys?" What if some weedy little kid with thick glasses, suspenders and a bad haircut were to say, "Jumping off the cliff? Not a good idea"? I don't think we would listen. I don't think we would even hear. I think we would run, jump, fly, and land badly. I think some of us would die. I think some of us would get seriously mangled, and I think some of us would bounce and land unscathed on our feet. What's more, I think we would look at the tide of falling people, and very few of us would decide to stand with the funny-looking guy trying to point out what a bad idea jumping is for most of us.
This struck me today as I read an email from an older acquaintance of mine who is committed to watching over a great-grandchild. This friend has raised two families already, works part-time and has an ailing spouse. Another casual connection has added a baby to her life-not her baby. Not her grandbaby. Not even her great-grandbaby. She has taken over significant care of an infant for a person who is not related by blood. Both of these women are caring for infants while continuing to work, volunteer, and grandmother their children's children.
Another story I heard recently suggested that two adults with children in this United States have "no choice" but to work two full-time jobs in order to maintain a lifestyle; that the price of children is loss of time to be with those children. In another friend's home, I see adult people functioning on caffeine, virtual reality and adrenalin to maintain some sense of sanity in a world of material possessions and social commitments that strangle any notion of free time.
Successful people hold down 70/hr. a week jobs, mow the lawn, bake Thanksgiving pies, volunteer at school or their church, travel for the holidays and add a little bit of continuing education on the tail end of their day. I find in my own life a serious struggle between having "meaning" to the world, and have a meaningful relationship with my Beloved. We negotiate our relationship health by how much time it takes from each of our own pressing outside concerns.
And when I realize that these stories indicate insanity-something un(in)healthy(sanus), I join that funny-looking fellow who has been saying all along: jumping off the cliff is a bad idea, no matter how many people are doing it. I find myself, like him, unheard, but saying it just the same: "Just because the entire world of people outside the window believe they will learn to fly before hitting the bottom, doesn't mean they will." Every now and then, someone stops to listen. Every now and then, someone turns back and walks away from the edge. Mostly, people just keep jumping. It's as if they didn't even hear.
Hope you aren't falling,
Cobalt Dreams
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