Dear Pneuma,

I am sorry that I haven't written for a while. I have been engaged in human interaction over the last few days. I've been playing games, conversing and going to sporting events. In short, I have been busy; good busy. What's more, I have been in change.

Going through transitions, shifting gears, changing course, or whatever metaphor one chooses, life events require a lot of energy and focus. My emotions fluctuate, my support systems get disrupted, and I engage in a kind of spiritual warfare with my past. I stop being easy. Simple decisions become life-consuming, and everyday actions, like going to the grocery store, become pure acts of will. I do not know why this is so, but I am no longer going to argue that it isn't. For me, at least, encompassing change is a difficult, energy-eating endeavor.

What I love about my grey hair, is that it is proof I have fought my way to skills that I never had before. I can stand outside my tantrums, my worries, and my actions, and let them be. I believe in myself. I no longer fear my strong emotions. I am now able to admit that I am sometimes immature and often unwise, but I know that I am going to be all right. What's more, I believe in time. I don't have to have everything figured out right now. I have plenty of time to struggle with "whys," "wherefores," and "whatnots."

I guess, Pneuma, that I want to let you know that I am all right. I'm working hard and I'm getting it together, whatever that means. It just isn't all that pretty all the time. I'm OK with that. I'm more than OK with that. Thanks for listening.

Love Always,
Cobalt Dreams