Dear Pneuma,

How long does it take to let a life go? How long does it take to get over being who you were? I've done it once before, but leaving the old me was such a relief. It was a run for freedom. This time, I feel as though I ran into a cage. I'm barred by being here and not there. I am barred by the fact that everyone I reach for is someone I left behind. I'm locked into "I was." I am ashamed of the "I am."

The "I am" has no action behind it. The "I am" is a "once was." I hate being a "once was," a "has been." Yet, I miss who I was. I feel no energy pushing me to be someone new. My energy wants to wrap itself around the burning core of me. It wants to deflect and protect. There are voices telling me to reach out. There are voices egging me on to reconnect, but I'm sad. I miss my friends. I miss being a valued part of the community I lived in. I miss the life I created of my own self.

Pneuma, how do I stop being so selfish? How do I let the past go and focus on the present? How do I uncoil from my center and accept that this new life has possibilities and potentials that the old life never had? How do I create a new life with my Beloved? How do I move on?

Cobalt Dreams